What a Project Manager Wants for Christmas…Part 2!
December 1, 2015 Leave a comment
In the spirit of the holiday season and as a followup to a previous post on the same topic, I decided it might be whimsical and showcase a few more items that a Project Manager might want in their Christmas stocking.
(To view the previous post of top things a PM wants for Christmas, please view the ‘What a Project Manager Wants for Christmas…‘ post)
As in the prior post, most of the types of things a project manager might wish for probably do not exist in reality. Nonetheless, as a bit of tongue and cheek homage to the holidays, here are some of the things I certainly would not mind receiving for Christmas not only for their ability to make my job easier, but because they would be cool. And as always, have a great holiday season everyone!
Feel free to add some of your Project Management Wish List ideas in the comments section.
Another Top Ten Holiday Wish List
1. Annoying Phone Participant Filter
There is always one. Usually, MORE than one. But how convenient would it be to simply apply a phone filter that minimizes the vocal nonsense coming from one or two individuals on a conference call who offer nothing substantive and merely seem to enjoy the sound of their own voice? And NO, you CAN’T say ONE MORE FRIGGEN THING! 🙂
2. PowerPoint Translation System
Twenty bullet points in size two font? Well, that’s effective. NOT! How about a nice handy button that I can press that condenses the endless steam of gibberish into something that resembles English? And actually conveys something that I can tangibly use.
3. A Taser
Do I honestly need to explain WHY I need this or why I would use it? Nuff said. And yes, Larry from IT whose asked me to reboot my computer THREE TIMES ALREADY; I’m looking at YOU!
To be honest, this isn’t necessarily a gift I would want: it’s more a rebuttal to all the upper management types that just seem to assume I have some precognition capabilities. But no upper brass. I am not Carnac the Magnificent or Nostradamus. I am merely a mortal that actually ISN’T aware of the fact that you changed the scope and budget of my project if you haven’t actually TOLD ME YET!
5. A Star Trek Phaser
I actually had this on my previous wish list but I am adding it again. And I PROMISE I will not use the ‘kill’ setting. To be honest, ‘stun’ would be a lot more fun. If someone got under my skin, I could zap them all day. But Santa, if you can’t provide this one, just bring me the Taser. But up the voltage, ok? 🙂
6. An Office
7. A Magic Wand
To be honest, this is, once again, not necessarily something I would want to have. (I couldn’t memorize all those spells anyway) But it is yet ANOTHER thing that upper management just seems to assume I have at my disposal. News flash guys: if I DID have a magic wand, you’d all be toads and newts by now….
8. Vice President & Executive Universal Translator, Version 2.0
This is an upgraded version of the universal translator I asked for last year:
Vice President: “Our alignment strategy and solid marketing fundamentals are resulting in organic growth in key customer segments. However, our pre-GAP earnings require adjustment due to inconsistencies in the manner in which our prebookings were filed into our 10-K.”
Translation: “FIRE UP THE PAPER SHREDDERS! All hands on deck before we all get indicted!”
9. Programming Language Comparison Nullifier
C# is better than Java? Ruby on Rails is better than C#? PHP is better than Perl? No, wait: Perl is BETTER than PHP?!
I. DON’T. CARE!!!!!!!. Just pick one and get the damn features implemented!
10. A Supermodel
Do I really need a supermodel for my day-to-day project management work? No. Am I still gonna wish for one? You bet! And apologies to the female readers of my blog. I mean no disrespect. Although to be fair, if this was your blog, you’d have a picture of Channing Tatum from Magic Mike being showcased. 🙂
Thanks for accessing my blog and see you in 2016….